I am a huge fan of the book: How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert. I would refer back to it every time I’d be dating someone and I know for sure that it has protected me from a lot of unnecessary pain and heartaches.
I was thrilled when I heard Jason Evert will be in the country for the #LoveNoFilter Conference that my friends and I instantly booked tickets. I attended both the young adult and educator streams.
Let me share with you my top 3 takeaways from his talk.
- Dating isn’t for people who are bored and lonely. Oh gosh, I used to be this way, always needing someone to make me feel valued. Little did I know, I had a father wound that needs to be addressed by God and not another wounded boy. One of the devil’s most effective schemes is to make us fall in love with the wrong person, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, while we are still the wrong person. And the patterns of brokenness often just get repeated from one generation to the next. Thank God He saved me and led me to His truths. So many of us need to let God re-parent us so we can begin to see ourselves in a healthy way and only allow another healthy person into our lives.
- What you win a man over with is what you’ll need to keep him with. A lot of women didn’t receive masculine approval in their homes, so when they finally get the attention they seek, they grapple and hold on to it like a leech. I remember allowing myself to get into pseudo-relationships with someone I am physically attracted to. I didn’t think much about values then and instead of increasing my self worth, I felt even more diminished. There are far too many women today who allow themselves to be treated as objects by posting half naked pictures of themselves and wonder why they attract jerks – boys who see women as objects of pleasure and not a person with a heart to be known and loved. The sad thing is, when the passion dissipates, that boy goes looking for another object. Let God love you first so you know how worthy you are and you stop wasting your time.
- You can fire a person when they’re not qualified. In trying to get a job, people go through a rigorous application process. And how long does that job last? But when it comes to marriage, people no longer hold themselves to high standards so no wonder it becomes short-term. Jason said one of the ways to know the character of the person you’re dating is to check out the values of the people he often hangs out with. Another way of knowing is by asking yourself relevant questions e.g. if someday you end up marrying him, will you be happy when your daughters end up marrying someone like him? Will you be happy when your sons end up becoming like him? When I asked myself these questions when I was dating someone, it was clear as daylight, he wasn’t the one. The best way to not get blinded is to remain pure. Wise up women, do it for your future selves and future children. Actually, you’re doing it for guys too, for when women no longer tolerate bad behavior, maybe boys will finally man up.